ON THE ROCKS
by Pippa Breakspear

if you knew how this drug, this drink
adjusted my brain chemistry, my mood, my sense of rightness
you would consider it cruel and unusual punishment
to deny me

to ration it, measure it
suggest even, that I shouldn't
when everything in my body screams
yes, yes

the first drink, first drug, lured me, seduced me
wrapped its arms around me,
held me tight
illuminated the dark, black shiny slick cave
that engulfed my spirit
lighting the stairs that led the way
up and out of there

it soothed, oh man, how it soothed
smoothed the edges, made me feel liquid
eased the pain, the loss, the oozing darkness
forced the fear a few steps back

shut down the ridicule, shame, lack of approval
the message that i just didn't fit
I wouldn't do, I wasn't right
I could suck it in and for a moment cauterize
the raw bleeding wounds that pulsed

the illusion of warmth, hope, passion
provided the key, the solution, the presence of God even
it convinced me, had its way with me
became my true love
reliable, available, dependable, but not always trustworthy

once seduced and devoted
It offered less and less, demanded more and more
the price got higher, the devastation deeper
until I was willing to sacrifice everything I loved
and everything you had
for this deceiving, dirty, conniving lover.

Pippa Breakspear is an English transplant in love with the Northwest, a chemical dependency counselor, attending graduate school in the fall; artist, lover of two gorgeous daughters, music, gardens and chocolate.