How to Stop a Sneeze
by Kylin Larsson

The urge to sneeze
arises of its own free will,
peppery, immediate, without
regard to propriety or wondering
if there are tissues on hand.

Stopping a sneeze
is quite useful
when you have food
in your mouth
you wish to stay there,
especially soup,
and most especially if
you are not alone.

To stop a sneeze,
press tongue behind
two front teeth,
where the roof of your mouth
meets the fleshy bump
press hard with your most
powerful muscle
against your visible bones
until tickling sensation dissipates.

Sneezing designs a moment
when you feel not
like your body
is a device to move
your brain around,
but your brain is a device
to move your body around.

Don’t think how
one sneeze equals
one tenth of an orgasm,
and how people with allergies get lucky.

Remember where
you learned how not to sneeze:
from a character in a book,
a midget girl who hid
Jews in the cellar from Nazis.

Old wives say,
Don’t forget to close
your eyes when sneezing,
or else your eyes could pop.

Stopping a sneeze
only works up to a certain point:
don’t struggle
against it too much
because when you stop mid-sneeze,
your heart stops for a moment too.

If you are
with someone
who doesn’t stop
a sneeze, and their eyes
don’t pop, and their heart
doesn’t stop, and they
do or don’t spray food,
you have three and one half choices:
say gesundheit,
say bless you,
laugh,
or say nothing.

The origin of blessing
the sneezer comes from the age
of the Black Plague,
divine prevention against the soul escaping.

Practice not sneezing
only when necessary:
poetry readings, eavesdropping,
or sneaking up on cats.

Kylin Larsson is a senior at The Evergreen State College. His work has previously been published in the literary journal On Uneven Ground, and will be published in the literary journal Slightly West (date forthcoming).